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An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cussed at her and said, "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "(Sniff, sniff) Dad . . . I became a prostitute."
"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."
"Okay, Dad. As ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a 5 million dollar savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and . . ."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
The girl, crying again, replied "(Sniff, sniff) A prostitute, Dad!"
"Oh blatherin' blatherskite! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"